We all have that hmmm… moment.

We all have that hmmm…. moment. The moment when we read something or see something and decide we want to learn more about it. The moment we find out a new kink or new fetish or new interest in general. It doesn’t have to be sexual.

Walking into Borders, a bookstore that is sadly no long around, at the age of fifteen I saw this book randomly sitting on a bookshelf out of place. Being a goth teenager, I instantly was drawn to it. I was even more drawn to it upon reading the back. I’ve loved vampires since I was three years old.

I brought it to my mom and asked her if I could get it and she said yes. So, I read it. I read it and fell in love with it and the main male lead, Julian, and it was the moment I realized something was different about me. Because it wasn’t just a book about a vampire and a mortal or a new vampire trying to find her way through life… It was a book that involved hardcore BDSM and romance with a concept around Egyptology. A book with an amazing tragic end. A book that made me go hmmm…. maybe this is something I’m into, and a book that changed my life forever.

This author no longer writes and wishes to forget this book ever existed. You cannot find copies of it on the shelves anymore at your mainstream bookstore and even online they go for a lot of money. At least, as far as I know last time I looked. This is my copy in the photo. I have let friends borrow it to read and I have read it to death as you can see from the stains, creases, and love poured into it’s pages and cover. It’s been taped back together. lol

But if you ask me what got me into the hmm… or BDSM and D/s? It was this book that showed me that a world like that existed.

Back then it wasn’t mainstream really. I don’t know anyone that even talked about it or showed it in romance novels. I can’t even tell you if this was first put into a romance section. From the other books in the back, it looks like it used to be horror genre. But either way, it was out of place and I picked it up.

That tends to happen to me often. I’ll walk into a bookstore and a book will be out of place and calling my name. Thirst isn’t the only book I’ve found out of place and picked up and purchased it.

I wish more writing had safe BDSM and D/s within it. I wish more books broke away from basic and moved into more hardcore stuff. I wish more books knew that it wasn’t the toys that made a Dom/Domme… it was the person and atmosphere they conjured around them. A Dom/Domme doesn’t need toys to be a dominant person. It’s a headspace, a way of moving, a lifestyle, an energy, a connection with someone. A person who feels safe to you as a submissive. A Dom/Domme is so much more than toys or sex. A Dom/Domme helps steer you in the right direction. A Dom/Domme keeps you in check and makes sure you’re doing everything possible to be the best you and thrive when you are too busy with life and forget everyday things like drinking water or eating or taking meds or staying on tasks you set out for yourself, all while making sure they are taking care of themselves too. A Dom/Domme is there to catch you when you fall and in turn… you are there to catch them. A Dom/Domme is human. A Dom/Domme can make mistakes. A Dom/Domme can pull a safeword, not only for themselves, but for you too when you need it and are too gone to pull them. A Dom/Domme is a friend, a lover, a play partner.

BDSM doesn’t have to involve sex. You can just have the D/s side of it. It can merely be someone checking up on you for the day or offer you good advice when you are lost and don’t know what to do. Someone who offers consequences that work for you to keep you on track, one’s you have both communicated about. And most of all… BDSM and D/s are built on trust and communication. YOU, as the sub, gift your full submission to them. They don’t get to rip it away or assume they own it. YOU decide. Afterall, you are giving away your mind, body, and soul to them.

I went on a tangent. lol I probably have way more to say about it, but my brain is dead. But this is a book that I love and yes, it’s old. There is some questionable wording and decisions, but given the fact it was written back in the 90’s… it gets a pass in my book. lol

Anyway, I’m thinking about doing an about me post.